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3 Real Reasons You are Overspending and How to Overcome Overspending
You might struggle with overspending and wonder how you can overcome it so you can be in a better place financially. The reason I see people struggling with overspending so often is because they think the problem, is the actual “shopping” part. Often people don’t dive deep enough to attend to, the true cause of their overspending.
Once you figure out what the true cause is, you can address what is really going on underneath of the spending.
#1) You are Overspending Because of Something Internally That’s Hasn’t Been Addressed
It is important to know, that often overspending, isn’t really about the physical items you are buying, the shopping is often a “by-product” of something deeper going on underneath, that hasn’t been addressed, dealt with, communicated or often something you wouldn’t even connect on your own without thinking about it.
Often women overspend on certain things in their life, even when they are trying to pay down debt or save more money. They say to me, “I know I shouldn’t have bought it, but I did anyway. I don’t know why I keep buying stuff when I can’t afford it.”
When we overspend, it is because we are trying to feel a certain feeling inside. We are trying to meet a need in our life that isn’t being met. We may feel that we are lacking something internally and think that if we purchase something, it will fill that “lack” feeling that we are having deep down inside.
We are trying to meet an internal need with something external. Whether that is food, clothes, makeup, shoes, jewelry, whatever it is that you find yourself purchasing, you think that you will become happy, feel a thrill, be excited or that having something new will cheer you up. You are trying to make up for what is really going on underneath, deeper than surface level.
When we are struggling with overspending, it is truly just a mask that we are putting on to disguise, maybe pretend or avoid what is really going on that we aren’t attending to or addressing.
We buy something or eat something (overeating, overspending and money struggles often go hand in hand) and we get that very temporary high that we are searching for and then by the time we get back to our vehicle or off of the online store we just bought from, we go back to the way that we were feeling before, because we aren’t addressing what we are actually trying to fix. I wanted to open up and be vulnerable in the struggles that I have had before, by really showing you the connection with not opening up about our finances, how we feel about money or feeling financially scarce, and how that actually can result in overeating and in turn, overspending.
Often there is something happening in your life, that you have a feeling inside that you are not expressing. You aren’t talking about how something, a situation or a person, made or makes you feel. You aren’t talking about something because maybe you are afraid of what that other person’s reaction is going to be, you are scared that they won’t understand or listen to you, that it will hurt to be rejected or hear no, that the outcome will be bad or devastating, for the changes that will happen as a result of you saying how you are feeling or why you are feeling that way, etc. We bottle up how we are truly feeling and our feelings need a way out of our body, which often comes out as overspending.
If you want some more tips for getting your debt paid off quicker, download my free 4 Steps to Pay Off Your Credit Card Debt E-book, this gives you more in detail, the step by step actions to take, to get your debt paid off much quicker than you currently are right now.
We are energetic beings and we feel positive and negative energy. When you store negative energy in your body, (such as feelings and thoughts) and you don’t allow them out of your body, they come out in different ways. You may experience digestive problems, high stress, anxiety, overspending, excessive shopping or living outside of your means.
#2) You Feel Like You Are Lacking Communication or Attention
Sometimes when you feel like there isn’t good communication or you feel like you aren’t getting the attention that you want from your significant other, you may subconsciously go on a spending spree or buy something that you know will upset them, because then they will give you attention. Even though it’s not the kind of attention that you truly want, you are subconsciously willing to do things that get you attention, whether it is good or bad.
#3) You Grew Up with Financial Scarcity
Another common one is if you grew up in a household where you had less or a lot of financial scarcity, but now you have more in your life. You have always said to yourself that you would do whatever it took, to not live that lifestyle you did growing up, and if you have kids, that you would give them the lifestyle that you never had, that you would make everything better for them. This often happens and you don’t even realize how much that mindset is causing you to overspend and to not take a step back and realize how truly blessed you are and that you do really have a great life.
When you can take a step back and see that you aren’t in that same state as you were as a child, that your life isn’t as scarce as you think it is, it is easier to not feel attached to those things that you always wanted growing up, that are causing such a financial burden in your life now. When you are able to realize that you have an amazing life and that you aren’t in that same situation and that it is okay and you are ready to detach yourself from your items and that you are not defined by the things that you own, then it is easier to cut back on your overspending and living outside of your means, that you are able to align your actions with what you truly want in your life.
So what you need to do is to really think about what it is in your life that you aren’t communicating, that you are holding in, that you feel inside of your body, that you haven’t dealt with or addressed.
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Questions to Ask Yourself to Dive Deeper Into Why You Have Been Overspending
- You need to ask yourself, how am I feeling before I decide to purchase or eat those items?
- What situations or people am I around prior to overspending?
- Is there anything in common between these situations?
- Are there any patterns?
- How would I explain what I feel like I am lacking deep down inside?
How You Can Overcome Your Overspending
Some examples of the things that you can do when you are feeling emotional or like you are going to spend money that you don’t currently have to spend on the items you are thinking of overspending on:
- Honoring your feelings and talking about how you feel and why you feel that way
- Going to counseling to talk about how you feel
- Writing down how you feel and then deleting/shredding/destroying it if you don’t want anyone to find it
- Going for a walk to clear your head and get away from all of the noise or a situation that is making you feel stressed or uncomfortable
- Meditation/spiritual practice
Something I truly believe in, is that when you ask yourself better questions, your life improves because it increases your awareness of what is truly happening in your life.
Ask yourself these 5 questions and journal them out
- The real reasons that I sometimes overspend is because I feel like there is something else that I am lacking in my life or lacking feeling and those things and feelings are:
- The communication that I need to get better at in my life that is underlying why I am sometimes overspending is:
- The story that I am telling myself when I convince myself that it is okay that I buy the items that I am wanting, when I know they are holding me back financially, is:
- The person or people that I am going to talk to when I am feeling I need to get out of my body, are:
- When I am feeling that my needs are not being met, I can do these self-care things instead to fill the void that I feel needs to be filled:
How to Re-Frame Your Thoughts When You Feel Like Overspending
I want you to think of overspending this way, that when you are not talking about what is bothering you and instead you spend on something, that it is causing you self-harm because it is setting me back on my money journey, it is not self-care and in fact it is self-sabotage, when I am purchasing things because I am feeling emotional and have other needs I am not tending to.
I want you to decide – If you are not comfortable to talk to these people, you are still going to move these feelings out of your body by either writing them down (you can always get rid of the paper afterward if you are afraid of someone finding it) or you can talk to a counselor or a professional (some insurance plans will cover this and some companies have numbers that you can call to talk to someone when you need to, I highly recommend accessing either of these services).
Women who have overcome their overspending issues have had to allow themselves to feel vulnerable. They have opened up and talked about what is bothering them, no matter how scared it made them.
Opening up and talking about how you feel and what is happening internally, is your key to overcoming your overspending. It’s most often not about the items or the food, it is about how you FEEL and what is going on in your life that you are not addressing, expressing or communicating.
It is the same with overeating, it isn’t about the actual food itself like most people think, the food and shopping are your body’s way of coping with not getting the feelings out and saying how you truly feel.
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Have you struggled with overspending? What have you found helped you to overcome it? Leave me a comment and I will respond back to you!