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How to Improve Communicating About Money with Your Partner
Money is one of the most common reasons for couples to fight and with the divorce rates being 50% now, we really do need to put a greater emphasis on taking action to improve our finances, to improve our relationships.
It is incredible to see how a relationship can go from barely hanging on by a thread, to completely coming back to life and feeling so full of love and happiness again, because of improving your finances. When you take real action to improve your finances and attend to one of the greatest causes of your stress in your life, your relationships are so positively impacted by it.
Often one of the hardest things is the actual communicating about your finances, in order to actually make any progress at all. You need two people who are willing to allow themselves to feel vulnerable in opening up and communicating and then putting the work, in order to improve your stress around your finances.
That is why I have written this blog post, to give you some help in beginning to open up about how you feel about your finances, so then you can come up with a plan and start taking steps to truly improve your finances.
Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
So I am not going to sugar coat it and say that you won’t go through some tough, uncomfortable or awkward conversations. In fact, you will go through them. But it is in the going through them, that you are able to grow from this situation and to become stronger together instead of not going through it and your relationship completely falling apart.
How to Actually Bring Up Talking About How You Feel About Your Finances
Talking to your significant other and being 110% completely honest and open like you never have before, can literally be the catalyst for change.
Have you expressed in a way that they understand, how the lack of communication and the lack of planning with your finances, is eating you from the inside out?
What I have learned is that you need to be completely honest when you are opening up about it. If it is all you can think about, you need to say it. You need to honor your truth. Otherwise, the other person may not understand.
If their body has not adapted to cope with stress like yours has, they are honestly and truly, not going to understand that you feel like you are fighting a demon, every single day, that you afraid to be in your own body. You need to let them know what you are actually experiencing.
I often hear many women who say that their significant other is not on board or that they won’t communicate about money.
I truly believe that the better the quality of questions that you ask yourself and the more honest you are when you answer them, the greater quality of life you will live.
I want you to ask yourself this question and answer it honestly, “Have I been completely open and honest about how this situation is affecting me? How it causes me to feel this way that I do? How I need their support to get through this really tough time that I am going through and that means, dealing with the actual problem, which is not that I turn to food, but my or our struggling financial situation.”
I want you to really think about that.
When you are open, honest and explain to what extent your finances are affecting you, your health and your body, it makes it a lot easier to communicate about your finances. You also need to admit to yourself that your finances are at the point where you NEED to take action because it isn’t just about your finances anymore, it is about the fate of your relationship and also the quality and strength of your mental and physical health. It is about something that is much deeper that is causing you to feel like it is eating away at you.
I want to share an image of what I looked like when I was suffering because I wasn’t opening up about how I felt and I wasn’t honoring my truth and just saying how I felt. My mindset was stuck in a very scarce mindset and keeping it in, only made me suffer further.
More Couples Need to Go to Therapy – Sooner
If you feel like couples counseling or speaking to a qualified professional is something that would help your relationship or help you to feel better, then tell that person truly what it means to you. Tell them why you want to go for counseling, not to point the finger or blame that person, but because you truly love them and you want to be closer again, you want it to be like it used to be when you were crazy about them, when your thoughts were consumed by how lucky you were to have them. Also, you don’t need to wait until your relationship gets so bad that you almost hate that person and don’t even want to save what you have, go before it gets to that point, go before you both feel like you are suffering every day. Would you wait until your vehicle has everything falling apart on it and you are driving every day in fear wondering when the brakes are going to give out and it’s going to be the end? No, you would take it in and get it fixed long before it reaches that point and you need to think of your relationship the same way. Many couples who have a healthy relationship go to therapy and there is nothing wrong with seeking out therapy one bit, so remember that.
This Book Can Save Your Relationship
A book that I think every single person should read at least once in their life (preferably more), is called The 5 Love Languages. It is such a powerful book that gives you a greater understanding of other people and how we each have different ways that we like to be loved. I resisted reading this book for about 3-4 years because I thought, “Ya, I don’t need a relationship book,” when in reality, every single person NEEDS to read this book. I can guarantee that after reading it, your perspective of your significant other is going to completely change and your behaviors will change and in turn, your relationship will become so much more fulfilling. I even recommend this book for single people because then when they are in a relationship again, they already have that powerful insight and how they show up in the relationship, will be different than how they have shown up in previous relationships.
If you are ready to overcome these issues, right away, then you need to take action.
- You can open up to a counsellor, therapist or another qualified professional with your significant other or you can go alone.
- You can work with a financial coach who will be able to give you the step by step actions to improve your finances so you make significant improvements much quicker than if you were trying to learn them on your own.
- Remember, the cost of therapy or financial coaches is not an expense, it is an investment in your relationship and the money that it costs for these services and products, can easily be tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars cheaper, because they saved your relationship from going through a divorce or separation. If you are wondering more about financial coaching and how it works, you can read an article I wrote here Frequently Asked Questions about Financial Coaching.
Whatever it is that you choose for taking action on improving your finances and the communication that you have with your partner, I wish you the best and I truly hope that your relationship improves and you feel so much stronger together.
Remember, it is not going to be absolutely perfect going through opening up and talking, being completely honest about how you feel about it and then taking action to actually improve your finances, but I can tell you it will be worth it. The uncomfortableness of opening up and being 110% honest, opening up your communication and then taking the action, far outweighs the pain, suffering and inevitable of where your relationship can head to, if you aren’t able to resolve and improve it now.
If you want some more tips for getting your debt paid off quicker, download my free 4 Steps to Pay Off Your Credit Card Debt E-book, this gives you more in detail, the step by step actions to take, to get your debt paid off much quicker than you currently are right now.
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Want to find out where you really stand financially? Watch my Pyramid of Financial Clarity video to find out!
Want to join a supportive group of women as you go through your money journey? Join my free women’s Facebook group Confident Everyday Money on Facebook to completely change your money situation so it is one you are proud of.
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